December 25, 2010

What I heard today makes the fact that I don't want to do Christmas any more acceptable to me.

It used to be a Pagan holiday, not bad in my idea, it was to celebrate Winter Soltice. Then the Christians saw it was such a money maker they took it over, well always about money. NOW I haven't gone to the internet to search this out, for one thing today I am being lazy and for another there is so much information out there that I would get lost in the search. So if you want to know go look but because this is called Whats on Klancee's mind I am just sharing what I heard.

In a group of 20 people this morning, there was only one that spoke of likeing christmas, the others who spoke, talked about the feeling they have had over the years and what it has finally come to. Well not having to celebrate it at all makes me happy, I am having dinner with my sister Jackie, and her husband Mel, and my husband, Eric, that will probably be celebration enough. Wnd the meeting this morning was good.

Out of the group there was more supposrt of me and not feeling responsable to have to comercialize the day than I expected, I knew it was a bad holiday for most of us but the way I heard people talk and the different views gave me more thought.

Now when I was a child and when christmas would come around when santa was to be on the roof, my dad would run out and shoot in the air and saying he was shooting santa. It probably scared us children to death and gave us a misguided memory of my dad. To think he would kill santa, my god, how could we as children know that he wasn't, we thought santa was real. so killing him would be murder. He thought it was funny and as we got older and understood there was no santa it might have got funny but memory of our childhood feelings colored how I always felt at christmas. maybe.

But as I got older christmas did take on a different feeling, one the comercialism and the expetations made me so angry, I have never thought I was a good gift giver. so always felt less than, I felt like I didn't do enough so I would do more. Go in debt.

Today I have a new idea and plan to find a new way at looking at christmas or the 25 of December.

Other wise I am happy, love love live live, laugh and laugh and laugh.

Bah Humbug

OK for years I have threatened to not do anything for Christmas, this year I decided it was the year to do it.

When I was growing up we used to have fun Christmas's, as kids it was always wonderful to get up and see what Santa brought us. I wonder how fun it was for our parents though. (short story about one of our Christmas at bottom)

Santa, who is this man, this bigger than life hero that promises all that wonderful stuff we want, we want larger amounts of things and what happens when we don't get it, what a let down. More kids cry over what they didn't get than are happy with what they did get, I bet. As kids we were lied to about who Santa was, NEWS FLASH THERE IS NO SANTA, oh no where did all this lying come from for our kids, who invented Santa clause any way. Guess I will go look that up.

OK I went and looked it up, there are two web sites you can go to to see what I read. But to carry on from here and why I am who I am at Christmas is this. (more continued after the websites.

http://www.santasuitexpress.com/santa-claus-history.html?c1=sse&source=google&kw=santahistory

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Santa_Claus

Where as adults does it become OK to lie to our children just for the sake of being ablt to by them things they don't need, us things we don't need and perpetrating a holiday tradition that only the stores get rich and richer and the manufactureers just make things cheaper and cheaper and huge amounts of it just to satisfy our children, who aren't satisfied. I went shopping and the things I saw were absoluteldy horrindous, there wasn't anything worth what we paid good money for. And it wont last a year I will almost bet anyone of you. The comercialism of Christmas a MAN made holiday so they can create an atmasphere of jolly do gooding.

Well we would all be better off doing something that is good for us, NOT over spending for stuff that is not needed and most of the time seriously stressed out over.

Here is my thinking, we go shopping I stress out so much because the truth is I am a horrible gift giver, I never seem to find the right gift, I don't have the knack to be able to see something and match it to a person, and we don't like it, but WE do it, IT IS EXPECTED, no one wants to say that, but well we all know it is. We are stressed out over what to buy, we spend hours shopping, then we get home and wrap it, then we have to package it and send it, those are the only two things I think is fun I love to wrap a gift. I am good at wrapping a gift, I can do all sorts of nice things with wrapping, Sending it isn't so much fun but it is a relief to have it on its way and done for another year. whew.

The gift arrives at it destination, you wait for christmas and then are all excited about opening it and just can't wait to see what it is. You tear the gift wrap off and see what it is, you want to tear your hair out bawl your eyes out, God what am I going to do with this, I hate it, it wont go with anything you have, doesn't fit your decorn or your body, now you wonder who was that person who sent this to you shopping for, my god they don't even know who I am if they think I will like this.

Now I have to do something with it, OH can I regift it, (how long do I have to hang on to it before I can regift it?) what will the people I am regifting it to think. Will they like it, oh, white elephants good. No I better keep it Mom and Dad, sister, friend, will ask about it. So I will need to display it somewhere so they can see we use it and like it. UGH are you kidding me, for how long do I have to do that.

So, I am thinking I am stressed out buying it for you, you are stressed out getting it and trying to like it and worrying about hurting our feelings. All this emotion is just wasted. No gifts mean NO stress.

I hate those parts of Christmas. BUT--- there is a bigger part, the truth about Christmas, It was a celebration of Jesus Christs birth, HOW many people who are celebrating Christmas today even know the truth about Christmas, who really celebrate Jesus's birth, and how about all the athiest, WHO I know still celebratte Christmas because its fun for our kids, and our kids don't understand. Other religions who celebrate Christmas because they want to celebrate the fun, or join the spouse.

SO BAH HUMBUG, If you like or love Christmas I am thrilled for you, I know I am missing something, all that excitement, I just can't feel it, I feel sick to my stomach, and feel less than normal and give myself a hard time, so hence NO more Christmas.

I love you all and Merry Christmas to you and glad to get any gifts you give, but wait till your birthday and I hope I remember to get you something. I do love the lights.

One year Mom and Dad went out shopping and left Derryll, Orina and I home, me in charge I was the oldest, Derryll was on the phone to her boyfriend and I was expecting a call from mine. I kept telling her she had to get off and she didn't, so I reached for the reciever to hang it up and she clobbered me over the nose with the handset. Broke my nose, blood was going everywhere, we were of course by this time scared and not knowing what to do, somebody went next door to the neighbors and got them, they took me to the hospital, and when mom and dad got home Derryll had to tell them where I was and they came down. They threatened to take our gifts back, and well they should have. But how much fun can a Christmas be with that kind of a hospital bill to pay. I didn't even think twice about the bill, I did think about the two black eyes alot and didn't want to go to school, oh to bad dad says you don't get to play hookie for this.

So thats it for this one. Happy days are here again.

Just living it the way it falls

Life is so full right now and it
always is in the spring and summer.
I enjoy gardening and my yard work
till it gets ahead of me.


This summer well it was April, I
went back and spent two months with Eric in Utah and we really enjoyed each other, even though it was a stressfull visit Eric's brother Lynn was in the hospital for two months and we spent a lot of time in Provo.

Catching up on the yard work there took some time and we enjoyed working together on the projects we need to catch up on. Eric loves to work with his tractor so I get to do a lot of the dirty work on the ground. He did let me use the tractor this year so now I am officially a farmer, hahah. Beleave it or not it is so simple like I new it would be nothing like an 18 wheeler.

When I left Utah and came back to Reno to get ready for my trip to Oregon for the Dexter reunion that takes place every two years. I found my garden and yard so green and luchious. BUT it was all weeds the whole yard. How depressing to know that I could not do the work alone and I only had ten days before I had planned to go to the Oregon coast.

So I got very busy trying to catch up and blew my mind with worry. So I went the easier softer way, and I hate that I resorted to it but I did. I sprayed the weeds with roundup.

Now the reason I hate to do that IS poison of any kind hurts the enviroment, the wild life and filters to our water supply at some time. I have been seeing more and more birds that have birth defects and cats and dogs drinking the water are having birth defects.

Enough.

I had wanted to spend two weeks at the coast, I really love the area around Gold Beach. The Newport, Waldport area is another one where I wanted to stay and visit with people who i had met two years before.
I had great visits will all I was able to see.

I enjoyed the family reunion and went to Chuck and Billies before and to Jackie's and visited with Larry before heading on up to the reunion and stopped again at both afterwards and came on home to Reno. My sister Orina stopped in and spent a week with me before she went on down to fort Worth, Texas. It was a great visit and wish it could have been longer. Tried to talk her into moving here.

Then it was the first of August and of course it is Hot August Nights, the cars that were in the streets were as always really beautiful to see, Eric came and brought his Scamp, his daughter Dina flew over and his son Chris lives just up the street form me, Chris has a Nova. I will post some pictires.

What's on Klancee's Mind: Which are worse and how they affect me in the air

What's on Klancee's Mind: Which are worse and how they affect me in the air

Which are worse and how they affect me in the air

First I had to learn how and why things affected me. I knew that I was always getting headaches, being sick to my stomach, (which I blamed on other things, flue colds, etc) having body aches, sharp pains and foggy mind, runny nose, eyes, and sweating.



So over years of these things happening and me adding and removing to my diet, my environment and home, car, any where I was, in public and in others homes, hospitals, offices, or public buildings.



Paid attention to what was happening. I used to wear a lot of cologne and perfumes, because like everyone they smell good to each of us, we have our own preference to what we wear and what pleases us.



So first I learned what the symptoms were. I started paying attention to how I was feeling in the morning when I would get up. I would feel pretty good on getting up, in fact most days great. Because I didn't keep any of my perfumes or any scented candles or other chemicaly changed things near my bed.

But I noticed that when I would head into the rest room some of the smells would be strong some of them started to be offensive even. Through out the morning I started having different feelings come over me, so I started removing things from my home, deodorizers, the spray cans with those bouquet scents were one of the worst. In the beginning everything that came in a spray can, still is today but intensly worse.. The ones that puff scents into the air, scented candles had to go, and potpourie that was not natural, most of them are treated with fake scents that are chemically enhanced.

My symptoms would range from headaches, sore muscles, runny nose and eyes. Tension headaches that I always blamed on work or stress. I get sick to my stomach with odors that are way to sweet and flowery, with major headaches. I also blamed stress for the tension in my neck muscles.

So in time I have found that everything is poison to me.

Basically everything is made of chemicals that are man made. which ore always having the compounds changed for more effecincy. Not the case for me. If they new and improve something you can bet I wont be able to use it any mmore.

The biggest offenders are:

Colognes Mens/womens-- who wear it like they bathe in it. but cologne of any kind.

Spray cans of scented room deoderizers---All of them, Glade and all other room deoderizers.

Dryer sheets--especially the scented, but all of them even the unscented, it is chemically treated with silicone.

But here I am just going to say that everything gives me trouble if it is chemically filled.

I have no trouble with anything that is natural, I love flowers and would prefer the smell of clean body odor than scented perfumed things.

I use unscented products most of the time, but even there I have to be careful. because, some of them are still treated with some kind of chemical. I have bought unscented products and had to give them away, my son and his wife get my unused things.

Unfortunately I have to live in the world with everyone else. So, hence I am constantly being poisoned, the laundry isle in grocery stores are the worst, bad. But anyone wearing something in public will cause some kind of reaction for me. some are just small some are hard to be around.

Sometimes in my own home I am poisoned, friendss and family who visit who neglect to remember that I have trouble or think that just a little wont hurt, or just don't care. and even when they do un-be-knowenst to them that their under arm deoderant and hand lotion and hair spray and shampoo and cream rinse, all cause some kind of reaction. It isn't always the ones you think about its the ones you don't.

My husband tries, I guess, but the truth is he poisons me too, he loves to use certain kinds of soap and they are extremely offensive to me, I try to change them out but well he goes back, he doesn't have any trouble so actually why should he have to worry about it. Especially because I am not always in the house with him. Also its a huge pain to have to check everything you buy to make sure it is unscented.

A lot of people just say its not my problem so for the few minutes or the short period of time I am going to be around it shouldn't matter. They are right, why should they have to change their life and the way they do things and wear what they want to help me. I undeerstand. I really do.

BUT IF I LEAVE THE ROOM WHILE YOU ARE VISITING AND DON'T COME BACK YOU KNOW IT MADE ME SICK. I apologize for that and hope it didn't hurt your feelings. I have to monotor how sick it will make me for the day, it may be something that isn't going to affect me all day, those I don't worry about. I have also found a way to subvert some of the problem.

There are business and instatutions and public places I have to just be aware of or not frequient. Churches are the worst, not because of the religion, but because, everyone gets up in the morning takes a showe washes their hair, puts on lotion, hair spray, cologne and perfume and goes to church, its early in the day so none of it has had any time to wear off yet. so the church is just inundated with everyones smell, its like walking into a huge poisonous room. If I was going to go swimming and they had put a bottle of pesticides in the pool would you swim in it, no so I just have to be aware of where I am going and take precautions.

Whats in the air

Having headaches, sinus problems, skin rashes, red eye, runny nose , cramped, sore, tight neck muscles, and not being able to find out why, this may help you, have an open mind while reading this, it may be happeing to you.

I spent thousands of dollars on tests. With no answers, no one could give me an explanations why.

Over the last 20 years I have had to start looking at and taking responsibility in how I get these and how to work with them or alleviate them.

I have been getting sick over whats in the air for years and so with that handicap I have started learning about Whats in the air.

First we have to deal the the real things, and that is, the air, now I have no problem with the real air, clean air, country air, air in general I am not allergic to, or have a reaction to. The dirt that blows around, pollen, these things I don't have a problem with. Yes too much wind and dirt will give me a head ache and some plant pollens give me problems.

BUT: then its what we put into the air. I have found that I am allergic to, (my doctors call it a reaction to) different air pollutants.

I lived in a home with two parents that smoked at least one pack a day each, later years more. (Today I don't think either one could afford to smoke. Different subject, and I may blog on this later). And after going out on my own, the jobs I got were in public and that was when smoking was allowed, and I worked in the casinos and there is still smoking allowed in the casinos. I smoked a lot of cigarettes second hand, and I have never smoked.

I used to wear perfume, cologne, oils, toilet water, what ever I liked the smell of, and shampoo, cream rinses, hair spray, body soap, deoderant, hand lotion, body lotions. I did my dishes and my laundry in scented soaps and detergents, used scented dryer sheets, scented rinses. I used scented candles, scented room deoderizers, sprays to take the odor out, put odor in, in other words I used products that made the air different, smell different, change the chemical compound of the air.

AND over time and the use of these I have become very sensitive to all of them, allergic to all of them, I have a reaction to all of them.

Now I can't be around perfumes, colognes, scented oils, laundry ...etc. etc..... you get the idea, or it makes me physically sick, I get head aches bad ones. tense neck muscles etc...etc.

I can no longer put scented lotion on my skin because it absorbes in and makes me sick. I get head aches, stomach problems when I am around or in a room with any thing scented. Laundry dryer sheets are the worst, they can be smelled for blocks, go outside someday, anyday in the city and smell who is drying thier laundry.

Mens cologne, womens perfumes, any of the man made things that are scented anything affects my physical well being, which then in the long run affects my mental and spiritual well being.

More often than I can count I am in a room with at least one or two people who wear something scented, One thing affects me, but when you have two or three or more scented products then it is unbearable, now think of this in the terms that almost everyone wears a scented product everyday. So the inundation of scented products that physically change the compound of the air in any given space affects me.

I am not even safe in my own house. When company comes over they quite often have perfume and or cologne on, no matter how I ask and make people aware of my affliction, it doesn't matter, people don't mean to be insensitive, but they are. When I try to explain to anyone about my sensitivities they think I am blowing it up or making it up, and forget or ignore the way it makes me feel.

more to come.... which are worse, and how they affect me in the air.